dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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