Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
