Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
