end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
