She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just invented taco cereal.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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