So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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