I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
