brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
