my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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