after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
