my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
