its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
