He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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