she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The adults are the big ones right?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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