I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
