Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
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drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
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Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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