Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You may now shotgun with the bride
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
