need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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