If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
