I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
