So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
