Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.

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  (214): You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet. http://tfl.nu/ajf1
  Replies (23) Good night (7619) Bad night (1142)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many

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  (319): You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many http://tfl.nu/z652
  Replies (8) Good night (5016) Bad night (1224)
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.

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  (506): I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number. http://tfl.nu/oux0
  Replies (11) Good night (6163) Bad night (970)
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?

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  (575): Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night? http://tfl.nu/drd1
  Replies (9) Good night (3407) Bad night (786)
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.

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  (709): You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese. http://tfl.nu/dujc
  Replies (6) Good night (2962) Bad night (893)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.

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  (920): I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone. http://tfl.nu/uom5
  Replies (14) Good night (1560) Bad night (786)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?

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  (250): Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude? http://tfl.nu/r6rp
  Replies (2) Good night (1210) Bad night (588)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.

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  (252): She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices. http://tfl.nu/1715
  Replies (2) Good night (1150) Bad night (660)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!

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  (973): They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on! http://tfl.nu/sa0h
  Replies (11) Good night (1312) Bad night (838)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens

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  (650): Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens http://tfl.nu/mv4i
  Replies (13) Good night (2475) Bad night (1403)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.

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  (512): I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight. http://tfl.nu/hr3p
  Replies (0) Good night (1030) Bad night (551)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?

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  (518): Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt? http://tfl.nu/4gjt
  Replies (4) Good night (318) Bad night (844)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.

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  (561): Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old. http://tfl.nu/6giy
  Replies (1) Good night (604) Bad night (359)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.

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  (252): They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher. http://tfl.nu/qrpm
  Replies (7) Good night (951) Bad night (353)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.

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  (518): Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for. http://tfl.nu/odgq
  Replies (2) Good night (746) Bad night (337)

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