actually, I'm a sock model
I just threw up on my dentist
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing