i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans