(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.