Texts From Last Night

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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  Oh yeah that.

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  (781): WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND? (339): Oh yeah that. http://tfl.nu/clil
  Replies (50) Good night (2143) Bad night (5370)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal

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  (267): i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal http://tfl.nu/wd7r
  Replies (18) Good night (1474) Bad night (4110)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.

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  (773): apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened. http://tfl.nu/hpbr
  Replies (18) Good night (5924) Bad night (1668)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?

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  (303): If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made? http://tfl.nu/goen
  Replies (46) Good night (1153) Bad night (16405)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.

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  (253): I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex. http://tfl.nu/rq63
  Replies (11) Good night (4214) Bad night (1628)
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  (510): View more from California

  EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!

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  (510): EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT! http://tfl.nu/n28b
  Replies (22) Good night (1884) Bad night (6130)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.

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  (901): Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement. http://tfl.nu/kvvh
  Replies (8) Good night (2418) Bad night (1306)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead

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  (502): Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead http://tfl.nu/4b2b
  Replies (18) Good night (5500) Bad night (1338)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats

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  (248): The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats http://tfl.nu/x34n
  Replies (2) Good night (1510) Bad night (720)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"

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  (+44): You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action" http://tfl.nu/vmud
  Replies (10) Good night (1619) Bad night (907)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?

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  (772): I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have? http://tfl.nu/a8zx
  Replies (14) Good night (1724) Bad night (556)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick

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  (515): Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick http://tfl.nu/oet2
  Replies (3) Good night (782) Bad night (434)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.

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  (713): I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/unpl
  Replies (4) Good night (906) Bad night (374)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.

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  (469): He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am. http://tfl.nu/tu7g
  Replies (1) Good night (895) Bad night (327)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago

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  (440): Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago http://tfl.nu/7mtt
  Replies (0) Good night (492) Bad night (490)

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