this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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