let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
either way he was missing a nipple.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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