my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
