why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
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I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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