This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
