So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
