I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
