I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
