how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
