my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
