I wish my penis had an off switch
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
tell me about the eggs
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
