Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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