You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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