I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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