I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
