508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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