I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
