sarcasm needs its own font
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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