At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
