I just cut my nipple shaving
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
