hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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