He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
