I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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