I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
