You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize