I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
