Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I look better un-naked...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
