Who wears a wallet chain?!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
