The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
