I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
