My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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