lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
