Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
