I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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