if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
