I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
