He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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