i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
