I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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