but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
