Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
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Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
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also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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