You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
