last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
