You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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