i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
