So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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