got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
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I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
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All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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