This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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