Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
