2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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