don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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