you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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