Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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