Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
