a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
