I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
