I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
