I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
