its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
