Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i drank out of a bidet.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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