i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
